


let’s try it again till the end (or: todd brotzman’s own personal hell)

by dancinghopper



Series: let us always find each other (dirk + todd) [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, because i’m cultured, but it’s not, the good place AU, the title is from a song by new kids on the block, this was supposed to be a really well planned multi chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 21:22:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16730883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancinghopper/pseuds/dancinghopper
Summary: reboot 483“Thisis the bad place!” cries Dirk,again, and Friedkin just about catapults himself into the sun.





	let’s try it again till the end (or: todd brotzman’s own personal hell)

**Author's Note:**

> ok u guys i know i said i was gonna do an au series but then it went on the back burner so tbh idk. bUT i churned this out because i swear i haven’t forgotten, even tho this is more of a group fic. whatevs
> 
> this won’t make ANY sense if u haven’t seen the good place, & contains spoilers up to tgp s2

**reboot** **483**

 “ _This_ is the bad place!” cries Dirk, _again_ , and Friedkin just about catapults himself into the sun.

 **reboot** **12**

“How did I die?”

“Ah!” Ken pulls out a file, and smiles at Farah while she tries to swallow the bile threatening to rise up her throat. “Your ward, Lydia Spring? She was about to be hit by a car, you jumped in front and pushed her out of the way.”

He sends her a big wink. “You got a ton of points for that one. Really tipped you over the edge.”

**reboot 600**

This is a nightmare. A _nightmare_. Todd hates it. He hates his stupid house and his stupid soulmate and he hates that Amanda is alone on earth while he is stuck in _heaven_ , apparently, and he hates that he died and she’s going to go her whole life thinking he was some sort of saint, just like everybody else here.

“Pass the biscuits,” says Dirk, and Todd hates him.

**reboot 888**

“This is your soulmate,” says Friedkin, “Dirk Gently.”

Dirk bounds in, and Farah careens back.

“Hi, _Farah_ ,” he says, just as enthusiastic as always, and shakes her hand wildly. “So wonderful to meet you, really, I think we’re going to be the best of friends.”

 _Oh,_ thinks Friedkin, _you idiot_.

“Best... friends?”

He doesn’t bother hiding it. He puts his head in his hands and sinks to the floor. Never underestimate Dirk’s ability to be completely and utterly clueless.

“Yes,” says Dirk, somewhere above him. “Yes, yes, I’m terribly sorry, but I’m just not — erm — interested? In, girls?”

“Oh,” says Farah, relieved, because of course she is. Because that was the _whole point_ , that Farah would have to experience some more compulsory heterosexuality, or whatever Ken called it. “Um, good, I suppose. I always — I mean, that is. I am, so.”

“Oh,” says Dirk, happily, and Friedkin really is the dumbest man alive. “Oh, well that’s very fortunate! Er, Mr Friedkin, are you alri—“

Friedkin snaps his fingers.

**reboot 42**

“You know,” says Dirk, “I’ve got the strangest feeling we’ve done this all before.”

**reboot 605**

“So... you’re sayin’... you’re sayin’ there’s no killin’ people up here.”

“Yes,” says Ken. “Sorry.”

Bart shrugs. She looks around at all the smiling people. “So uh... what am I supposed to do instead?”

Ken looks at her for a second, feeling uncomfortable. She’s just a kid, really. Yeah, they bought her in to freak out Todd, but she can’t do that all the time, can she?

“You wanna try flying?”

Bart lights up. “No way, you guys can _fly_ here?”

**reboot 176**

Dirk drums his fingers against his leg, practically vibrating with the effort not to launch himself off the couch. Todd stares at him. He doesn’t think Todd likes him much, but he’ll probably ( _hopefully_ ) come around.

“What’s up with you?” says Todd.

“I need a case.”

He watches Todd chew his cheek.

“I’ve got a case.”

**reboot 394**

“So,” says Ken, flattening out a fold in the blue-print, “Lets go over this again.”

Friedkin groans. “ _Ugh_. Todd comes in. We tell him —“

“You tell him.”

“I tell him he’s dead. He does his freak out. We — _I_ — introduce him to Dirk — are we sure we should still be using Dirk?”

“Yes,” says Ken.

“Right. So, he meets Dirk, and we do the whole you were such a good person on Earth, we’re so glad you’re in our neighbourhood blah blah blah blah blah.”

“And Todd has another freak-out,” finishes Ken, flipping to another page of the blue print.

Friedkin slumps his head against the desk. “God,” he says, “this poor dude.”

**reboot 1000**

Farah bangs on the door to the little house, glancing over her shoulder once. It opens abruptly, likes she’s expected.

“Hello,” she says, “I’m Farah Black —“

“— and you’re from neighbourhood 113, I know.”

The woman looks her up and down. “God, Farah, you get hotter every time.”

Farah blinks. The woman grabs her hand and starts to drag her inside.

“I’m Tina Tevetino. Yes, you’ve been here before. Yes, this is the Medium Place, you didn’t get lost on the way here. No, we haven’t fucked (much). Did you at least bring my weed?”

**reboot 759**

“I love you,” says Todd. Dirk beams at him.

“I love you too.”

**reboot 200**

“I don’t... understand,” says Bart, like always. She looks at her hands, like she’s surprised to see that they’re not coated in blood and dirt.

(He knows she is, because she’s told him.)

“You died,” says Ken, more gently than he should.

“But... I can’t get hurt. Universe won’ allow it.”

Ken shrugs. “Universe must’ve had other plans.”

**reboot 304**

“Amanda!” cries Todd. It would be sudden, if Ken hadn’t known it was going to happen. It always happens. “Amanda, is she okay?”

Ken nods, and smiles warmly. “Yes, your sister is fine, she’s still alive back on Earth. See —“

Ken flicks a hand, and a live-stream (well, not that live, but it was 303 reboots ago) pops up in front of them. He watches Todd’s face go ashen as Amanda sobs, hands shaking in front of her face.

Ken shifts in his seat, and waves the live-stream away.

“Well,” he says, and the awkwardness in his tone is a just a little too real, “She’s not... _fine_ , exactly, but, hey! What’s important is that _you’re_ in the Good Place.”

**reboot 430**

“Right,” says Todd, pacing. Dirk sits up a little straighter. “All I need to do, really, is just... learn to be a good person. I can do that, right? So I’ll just... become one. Do you think they have books on ethics here?”

**reboot 1042, dirk & todd’s house**

“Now stop it!” cries Dirk, splaying his arms wide and cutting the rest of them off. Ken feels himself deflate. “This is _ridiculous_. We are _arguing_ over who gets to go _to the bad place_ , don’t you see how absolutely _bonkers_ that is? What we _should_ be focusing on is _why_ Todd’s here, because quite frankly ever since we got here I have been _miserable_ , and — _oh_.”

Dirk gasps. Ken watches as the things slot into place, just like they always do. The déjà vu. Todd’s self loathing. Farah’s shitty soulmate. Back to the drawing board in a minute, he’d guess. 

“Solved it,” breathes Dirk, and then claps his hands. “I _solved_ it.”

Todd blinks. “What?”

“The case,” says Dirk. “I _solved_ the case. Didn’t I, Ken? _Psychological_ torture.”

 _Yup_ , thinks Ken. _Hole in one_.

He hears the words Dirk says before they come out of his mouth, a testament to the 1041 other times that they have: “ _This_ is the bad place.”

There’s a long, suffering groan from Friedkin, but Ken doesn’t really care, anymore. They’ll just reboot them again. Just do the same thing, over and over and over.

“What, are you kidding me? _Again_?” Friedkin collapses face first into the sofa, his voice muffled by the cushions. “How does he do this, man? Every damn time.”

Dirk blinks at him. Here it comes. “ _Sorry_?”

Friedkin keeps talking.

“I thought — I thought with Ken in charge this would finally — work. Ken. Dude. What happened? We made it a _half a year_ , man!”

Ken shrugs, but it’s minute. “There’s no point, Hugo,” he says. “They always figure it out.”

“Wait.” Farah frowns, looking between Friedkin (he’s supposed to be playing her soulmate, this time round, and honestly Ken is surprised they didn’t figure it out much sooner. Hugo is _not_ a good actor) and Ken. “You’re both in on this? Whatever... this is?”

“Yes,” groans Friedkin. “We thought having me as your soulmate would be a pretty good torture device.”

Dirk snorts.

Friedkin pulls his head off the couch. “Hey, shut up, man! Like you can talk!”

“Hugo,” warns Ken, but he doesn’t really care. Bart hasn’t said a word yet, has just stood in the corner silently, and he might have forgotten she was there if he wasn’t — well. He hasn’t.

Friedkin gestures between Dirk and Todd. “Having you two as soulmates was part of your torture too.”

Ken watches.

“Oh,” says Dirk. He chews on his bottom lip, and glances uncertainly in Todd’s direction.

Internally, Ken counts down from five.

Todd snaps when he gets to three.

“Hey,” snarls Todd, and stalks over to the couch. He hauls Friedkin up by the collar, and Ken lets him. It’s not like he’s never wanted to throttle Hugo, after all. “You listen to me — I may not get the, the details of what’s happening, right now, but you can _shut up_. Okay? Not another word.”

“Oh, man,” whines Friedkin. “Did you two fall in love again?”

Ken pinches the bridge of his nose, and finally swears.

**reboot 1042, outside  dirk & todd’s house**

“This is useless,” mutters Friedkin, massaging his throat and kicking at gravel. “Maybe we should just fess up to Priest.”

Ken doesn’t say anything. He’s having a thought.

“I mean,” says Hugo, “He might _not_ retire us.”

“He’ll retire us,” says Ken. Friedkin groans.

Ken glances back into the house through the window, at the four of them huddled in the centre of the lounge room. They’re probably going to try and escape to Tina’s. Like always. And they’d done such a good job, this time. It seems like such a shame.

“Hey,” he says, and claps Friedkin on the shoulder. “Why don’t you head back, get some sleep. I’ll wipe them and we’ll start fresh in the morning.”

Friedkin slumps off. Ken takes a deep breath, and turns to go back inside.

**reboot 1042, dirk and todd’s living room**

The door rattles, and Dirk jumps about a foot in the air.

“Fork,” says Todd, beside him. Farah curls her fists, ready for a fight. Dirk, for his part, has absolutely no idea what to do, despite having solved the case.

He opens his mouth to say something —  _what_ , exactly, he isn’t sure — but misses his opportunity. Ken opens the door and leans in, apprehensive. He doesn’t actually step into the house, which is probably wise, considering.

“Bart,” calls Ken, carefully. “Can you put the pen down, please?”

Todd mutters something under his breath, and Dirk bites back a grin regardless of the situation.

“Don’t wanna,” says Bart gruffly from behind the door.

“Bart,” says Ken again, slowly. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m here to help. I’ve got a plan.”

Dirk and Bart’s eyes meet, probably by accident. She still has the pen clenched tightly in her fist, but she’s chewing her bottom lip as if contemplating something.

Todd’s never really gotten on with Bart, neither has Farah. But Dirk... well, he can’t explain it. The way she talks about things — he thinks they’re both here for a reason, and he’s starting to think it’s more or less the same one. He nods at her, and Bart lowers the pen.

“S’ok,” she says, and steps out. Ken’s shoulders sag. “You can come in. But I’m still holding the pen.”

Ken smiles.

**reboot 1042, tina’s place**

“Farah, _thank god_ ,” says Tina as she opens the door, “I was getting _so_ \- oh. Hey, Dirk.”

“ _Hi_ , Tina,” says Dirk, and shakes her hand, “Heard such lovely things.”

Tina blinks a little at the congregation on her doorstep. “Wait,” she says, “Are you _all_ here?”

“Yup,” says Dirk, “This is Todd and Bart and Ken and Farah, although apparently you already know us.”

“Yeah,” says Tina, and steps aside to let them in. “Although Ken’s new. You come here a lot.”

**reboot 1042, tina’s place, later**

“So you... we’ve... met before,” says Farah, haltingly, resting her elbows on Tina’s dining table. It’s a gross, medieval style thing, and Tina always stubs her toes on the legs. Perks of the Medium Place, she guesses.

“Yeah.” Tina swallows. “But I hadn’t — I haven’t seen you in a while.”

She resists the urge to reach out and touch her, and says instead: “I guess your last escape plan didn’t work, then?”

Farah frowns. “Last escape plan?”

“Yeah.” Tina picks at a bit of wood. “You said you’d come back and get me, if it did. I’m gonna have to guess it didn’t.”

Farah looks at her for a long time. “I’m... sorry.”

Tina manages a grin. “Nah, don’t be,” she says. “You don’t even know who I am.”

**reboot 1042, train to the bad place**

“You really think this is gonna work?” asks Bart, lowly. “Infiltrating all your demon buddies?”

Ken pulls a face. “I hope so. And if not, you can totally just kill them all.”

Bart grins something feral, and shoves his shoulder. “You’re a riot.”

**reboot 1042, the judge’s quarters**

“What do you think they’re saying?” asks Todd, inching a little closer to Dirk. Ken and the Judge are off in a corner, having an argument, or that’s what it looks like. He doesn’t know if he trusts Ken — he did, and then he didn’t, and then apparently he was meant to again, and — yeah. It’s complicated.

“I don’t know,” says Dirk, cheerfully. “I have the utmost confidence in him, though.”

Todd thinks Dirk is probably being so cheerful to avoid thinking about the fact that their eternal fates are going to be decided in just under a minute.

“I still don’t understand how someone like you could end up in The Bad Place,” says Todd, to avoid thinking about it too. Dirk waves a hand nonchalantly.

“Oh, easy,” he says. “I’m a right nuisance. Besides.”

He knocks Todd’s shoulder. “It’s where you were.”

Todd frowns, and swallows around something in his throat. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Dirk shrugs, but he’s smiling in that smug, secretive way of his. “Oh, you know.”

**reboot 1042, the judge’s quarters, later**

“We’ve come up with a plan,” says Ken, and the Judge winks at them.

“It’s a bit of a doozy," she says, and claps her hands together. “We’re sending you back to Earth to see whether or not you all would have become good people without the incentive of getting into the Good Place. Ken’ll be going as well, to supervise.”

She looks at Tina, and Todd watches her eyes flick down to her and Farah’s clasped hands, which have been locked together since they left the Medium Place. “Miss Tevetino, you can pop back down too.”

Tina does a fist pump. “ _Alright!_ No more warm beer for me.”

The Judge laughs, and shakes her shoulders. “This really is the stupidest thing we’ve done in a long while, but, well — I gotta get my kicks somehow.”

Todd barely has time to blink before she snaps her fingers.

 

 

 

**earth, 2017**

**...maybe.**

Todd’s had a bit of a weird day. His car got beat up, he nearly got run over by a bus (like, _genuinely_ nearly. He had to be _pulled out of the way_ ), and then, oh yeah, he stumbled into a _murder scene_. And got _fired_. All he wants to do is call Amanda, go to bed, and hopefully forget that today even happened. Which is why when he gets home someone is breaking into his apartment through the window.

“Hi,” says the someone, and grins. Todd does the first thing that comes into his head, and throws a shoe. It hits Dirk Gently smack in the forehead, ironically not very gently at all.

"Ow!"

**fin**

**Author's Note:**

> don’t think about it too hard else the delicate balance between implication and reality will crumble !!! but i really liked the idea of tying it to the so like!! here we are!


End file.
